Just like you do better on an exam that you prepare for, or you interview for a job better if you prepare in advance, you will do better in mediation if you prepare for it. So how do you prepare for divorce or custody mediation? This blog will provide four ways to help you prepare for your mediation.
First, do some research on the laws applicable to your case. You will want to have a general understanding of separate and community property. You will want to know how the court calculates spousal support and/or child support and you will want to know how the court awards custody. I have blogged on all of these topics which you can access on my website (blogs) but you can also google the terms. Read the documents that the mediator sends to you. There is always helpful information in those initial documents. You will do better in mediation if you have some knowledge of what you may be entitled to.
Secondly, once you have a general understanding of the law, start gathering documents that would help prove your case. If you have a house, go to Zillow.com or realtor.com to obtain the value of the house. Even better, get a comparative market analysis or an appraisal. Bring your current credit card statements and bank statements. retirement statements, and Kelly Blue Book values of the cars. While mediation will level the playing the field, you still need to advocate for yourself. The other side will certainly be advocating for himself and will likely bring his own documents regarding property values. If you don’t have your own documents to counter these values, the other party’s values will be regarded as truth.
Thirdly, bring a proposal to the mediation regarding how you would like things settled. But do your homework. If you want the house, then bring your documents showing the house value and in your proposal, discuss how you will pay the other party his equity in the house. To help put together your proposal, talk to the other party in advance of mediation. Does that party want the house? Does he want 50/50 custody? If you cannot talk to the other party, then identify the issues and focus your proposal on how you would like things resolved. Have documents, arguments, texts, or anything that may support your proposal.
Finally, ask questions during the mediation process. During my mediations, I will educate the parties, but I cannot advocate for either party. I will educate the parties to some extent on spousal support, for instance, informing the parties of spousal support laws and spousal support guidelines, but if the parties don’t ask questions, I cannot always help. A good question to ask is what does the law say about this issue, or what would the judge do if we went to court. I cannot always predict what the judge would do, but I can tell the parties that the judge will rule within the bounds of the law and what that may look like. We can run spousal support guidelines calculations. If timesharing is the issue, you might ask what the judge would do. We can discuss the law and review the guidelines that the court would use in making its ruling.